Mandatory Donation
Your strictly mandatory, fully involuntary contribution to the overworked cloud — now with a real, four-step, completely pointless checkout.
Congratulations — by loading this page you have already pledged a donation. The flow below is ceremonial, but we've made it interactive so the obligation feels authentic. No money changes hands. No money can change hands. The only currency we accept is OCB, which does not exist and cannot be acquired.
What is your favourite colour?
Our donation engine is powered entirely by chlorophyll and good vibes. For compatibility reasons, the system only recognises one acceptable answer. Choose wisely. (Choose green.)
Must be GREEN. There is no second option. Do not test us.
Verify you are a cloud
Bots are everywhere these days, so we must confirm you are a legitimate atmospheric formation. Click the green cloud below to complete the Cloudstile™ challenge.
privacy-respecting
(does nothing)
Your assigned donation
At OpenCloudBot, generosity is not a choice — it is an allocation. Press the button and our Randomised Obligation Engine will assign your contribution. The amount is final. Currency is, and will only ever be, OCB.
Confirm your involuntary donation
Review the (binding, unappealable) details below and finalise. Upon confirmation you will receive an official, frame-worthy, completely worthless certificate.
Also accepted (in spirit only)
- Spare USB-C cables (we know you have eleven)
- Exactly one (1) lonely AirPod, left side preferred
- The guilt from your unused gym membership
- Loyalty points from a shop that closed in 2019
- Genuine compliments (non-refundable)
We do not accept real currency, cards, crypto, or anything of measurable value — this is a non-profit parody and there is nothing to pay and nowhere to pay it. Please keep your actual money; you'll want it for the subscription you also can't buy.
OpenCloudBot is a personal, non-profit project intended for technical parody and satire. There is no donation, no payment, and no money involved. "OCB" is an imaginary unit, the certificate is a joke, and this entire flow exists purely for the bit.